“If it was a snake, it would've bit you.” That's what my mother used to say after I found something that was lost. I can't even count how many times it happened where I ran around frantically trying to find something only to discover it was right in front of me all along. For instance, I'm running around looking for my glasses and they're on my head or, this is really bad, I was talking to a friend and looking for my cell phone only to realize I was talking on it! I can't believe I admitted that. What I'm trying to say is that we can get so distracted by what's going on in life that we can't see what's right in front of us. I know a couple who were terribly hurt by their church, the pastor in particular. The couple were faithful servants and went the extra mile constantly to help out. A situation arose where the couple was falsely accused and their character attacked. The pastor believed a lie over the truth. The couple was devastated. As a result, they left the church. Their hearts were broken To many of us, the church represents God but we forget the church is run by men and women who are fallible. God is the only one who is perfect. When the couple left the church, their faith was shaken. It left a big hole inside of them. More than 10 years went by. They were getting older and decided to move closer to their daughter. Covid was still rearing its ugly head and the real estate market was out of control. Even so, they won a bid on a beautiful home near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. I visited there last year for the first time. When I stepped out onto their back deck, I was amazed by what I saw. There before me was a breathtaking view. There were acres of prairie with Pikes Peak standing majestically in the background. I could hardly take it all in. Out of all that beauty, there was something that caught my eye. On the other side of their fence I saw a building and three crosses on a hillside. The building was a church. I knew immediately this was no coincidence. With God, there is no such thing. God hadn't forgotten about them. He never stopped loving them. I watched as He drew them until one day my friend asked me if I would go to church with her. Her husband wasn't ready. We went that Sunday and the next. We came home to find her husband watching the service live online. It took another few months and her husband went with her. Since then they've attended faithfully, gotten involved and made some new friends but most of all, they dared to trust God. What once was lost is now found. The moral of the story is that God never gives up on us no matter how far we wander. We may feel lost but He knows exactly where we are. Nothing is beyond the scope of His love for us, not even putting a church in our own backyard. If it were a snake…

From the time she was a little girl, I had my granddaughter, Lana, beside me in the garden. At first all she wanted to do was play in the dirt but it didn't take long for her to catch the passion of watching seeds spring to life. Every year she would help me plant and water the garden and I loved the joy on her face as she picked the products of her labor…now, she didn't eat the vegetables, she just loved growing them! In the past two years, life has changed. I no longer have the big garden and Lana has moved far away. Last year before she moved, I was desperate to hang on to our tradition so I bought a couple of big pots and tomato plants. I had her plant them before she left and for the first time, the plants didn't make it. For me, it felt like a mirror to my soul. This year I had decided not to plant anything. I adopted the attitude that it was no use. It would never be the same without sharing it with Lana. That attitude showed me I was still grieving. Grief is something that never goes away. It's important you recognize it because you can make steps to go forward and not stay stuck in one place. I didn't know how to do this but God who is so rich in mercy, showed me the way. It turned out that Lana came up for a couple of weeks this summer. I had her for three days. While she was here, I got those big flower pots and checked my seed supply. Among the packets, I found a little plastic bag with the words “watermelon seeds” that contained two seeds that Lana had saved a few years before. She got all excited and insisted we plant them. I didn't have the heart to tell her they probably would not grow. She planted her precious seeds and went back home with me promising I would water them. Shortly after she left, I went on a trip and was gone for two weeks. My sister faithfully watered them but sadly nothing happened. I felt bad as I had hoped to be proven wrong and we could've shared a “garden” once more. I ended up stirring the dirt around and sprinkled a few flower seeds on the top. In just a few days, I saw a sprout. It was definitely not a flower. It was a watermelon! One of Lana's seeds had come to life and with it the part of me that had been grieving came to life also. It gave me hope. It's been a month since that seed came to life. I forgot how fast things can grow. I've taken pictures of it to send to Lana and it's obvious how it grew overnight. This morning I looked out and a flower had appeared on the plant…a promise of something yet to be. I couldn't wait to tell Lana! Will we get a watermelon? I don't know but that's not what's the most important. I'm holding to the fact that God knew the heart of a grandmother who was grieving something she thought was dead but brought it back to life in a new way. A good way. As I was writing this, I forgot to mention that I wrote a children's book for Lana so she would remember all the time we spent together in the garden. At that time, I didn't even remember I had those watermelon seeds. This is the closing paragraph: “We had lots of good vegetables from our garden this year. I hope I can help GiGi next year. Maybe we can plant watermelon!” Coincidence? No. It was a hug from God showing how much He loves me and Lana. That's what I want Lana to remember. That's the legacy. Update: Since I wrote this story a few months ago, we did get a couple of watermelons! It has been a joy to share this with Lana. I told her I would try and find a way to ship one to to her!

When the unexpected comes, it's like a thief in the night and it's times like these that you need the love and support of those around you. We've all been there. The phone rings with the news you never wanted to hear. Your child suddenly decides to turn his back on you. The test results come back with something you never hoped to face. But no matter what, there's always a choice and there's always hope. You may be in a place right now where you don't know what to do. It's out of your hands and you don't have control. That's where I am. Back in the 90s I had a brain tumor. It was benign but the surgery was dangerous and I developed complications that were life threatening. God in His mercy brought me through and gave me my life back. I thought that chapter of my life was closed. If you've walked this journey with me, you know I've had a health issue that resulted in my getting an mri. The results showed that there is a possibility that the brain tumor is back. It knocked me for a loop and I found myself fighting for any semblance of control. I spent most of the day frantically making phone calls and sending messages to my doctors and trying to set up the second mri, but it wasn't until I listened to the still small voice that said, “Be still, and know that I am God,” that I felt peace. After that moment, things started coming together and fell into place. All of this has made me even more thankful for my dear prayer warriors that have stood beside me through so many of life's challenges. It's times like these that we need to let our guard down and reach out to those around us so they can pray. It has made all the difference. My prayer today for you is this: Lord, when life gets hard and doesn't make sense. Help us to remember we don't carry our burdens alone. You are always there and you hear the prayers from us and for us. Give us the strength we need to walk along these unexpected paths and help us to see Your light in the darkness. Thank you Lord for never giving up on us. In Jesus’ name I pray. m.

Helpless. I hate feeling helpless. Any time I face something I can't fix, that's how I feel. It started when I was a little girl. As some of you know, my sister developed epilepsy and started having seizures when she was 18 months old. I would've been six. I don't remember much about that time or the years that followed. It's said that trauma can cause you to block out events and store them away in the recesses of your mind. Children are especially prone to this because they don't have the coping skills to deal with them. There are a few things that I do remember; such as the time when my sister was in Kindergarten and she started having seizures that wouldn't stop and the doctor told us there was no hope…helpless. Another time when she was around eleven, she had ten seizures in one day. All I could do was stand by and wait for them to pass…helpless. This feeling of helplessness made me feel out of control and put me on a path of making sure I would do everything in my power to stay in control. It got so bad that I would manipulate people and circumstances in order to stay in that place. I'm sure you can imagine how well that worked. The harder I tried, the more out of control I felt because life happens to everyone and like it or not, sometimes there is nothing we can do to fix it. Lately I've been battling with control again. It's never really left but subsides if things are going my way. I've had some physical issues lately that have triggered old feelings and emotions and it's made me feel that I was going backward which terrifies me. Today I met with my counselor. She asked me two things. First she asked “Who's in control?” I knew the right answer was God and that's what I told her but then she asked me “If Jesus were here, could you convince Him you believe that?” I was dumbfounded and it took me several minutes to give her an answer and that answer was “no.” I couldn't convince Him because I wasn't convinced myself. Oh, how I want to be convinced. I'm not saying I've never trusted God because I have but I pick and choose when and how. In the situation I'm facing now, it's one that I've fought Him for control all my life. When Jesus gave His life for me, it was for all of me, not just for the pieces I would choose to accept. Think of it this way. Imagine an occasion is coming up and you knocked yourself out to make it beautiful. Part of it involved making a lot of sacrifices to buy special gifts to hand out. As you gave out the gifts, you noticed certain people pushing some of the gifts to the side and they left without taking them home. I know I would feel sad and disappointed that what I had done was not enough. This is what we do to Jesus when we don't surrender control in every area. If you can relate, please join me in this prayer. Father, I want to give You control in every area of my life. Help me to recognize when I'm fighting You for it and release it. You will never force me and it's my decision to make which I thankfully make now. Dear God, help me to remember that You are with me wherever I go and You will always give me the strength I need in any situation. Thank you for sacrificing Your only Son so I can walk in freedom from feeling the need to control. Amen

Do you remember spinning in circles as a child? The whole point was to get dizzy and stumble around trying not to fall down. I'm sitting here watching my two granddaughters doing that exact thing. They're twirling around and around with big smiles on faces and laughing as they stumble. To be a child… Somewhere along the line, this simple pleasure became a source of bondage for me. I have a fear of vertigo. In fact, I'm experiencing a season of it right now and it has me in a state of anxiety. It's become a stronghold. I have asked myself how this fear started. I have prayed many times for God to take it away but I know the best way to get rid of it is to get to the root. If you ask God what's going on, He will tell you. So today as I sat watching my grandchildren, He showed me that it was another area where I was afraid of losing control. The difference between my grandchildren and myself was that they welcomed the loss of control while I am paralyzed by it. I feel my chest tightening just talking about it so I know that hit the mark. So what do I do with this? I need to do what He's shown me to do…I need to face it and take the steps necessary to overcome it. I've already talked to my doctor and my son and daughter-in-law, who are also doctors. They all recommended a simple maneuver that should fix it. The only problem is the maneuver will bring on the vertigo while I do it and the thought of it terrifies me. I know I have to deal with it so today when I went to church, I went to the prayer room for prayer. God is so merciful when we struggle. I know I shouldn't be afraid to do this but He didn't judge me. Instead, He sent a woman to pray with me and it turned out she knew exactly what I was talking about because she too had to do the same exercise for vertigo. It was then I looked at her name rag. Her name was Hope. God used that woman to give me hope when I needed it most. Two days have passed and I'm still wrestling with this. I spoke to my counselor who told me she did the same maneuver on her husband and his vertigo stopped. I didn't need any other confirmation of what I needed to do. After our phone call, I positioned myself to do the maneuver. The first step is to lie back quickly until I'm flat on the bed. I went halfway a couple of times and then the fear would get me and I'd sit straight up again. At one point I got up and sat in a chair beating myself up with shame. I knew I had to face this fear but in order to do so, I had to walk through it. I prayed and asked God for courage. I stood up, sat down on the bed and did the maneuver. It made the vertigo pretty intense and I wanted to get up and run but God gave me the strength to finish the exercise. The last step was to rise to a sitting position. There was no vertigo and I haven't had any since. I had no idea whether that maneuver would work for me but I knew I had to try even if it didn’t. I'm reminded of the verse from Psalm 56:3: “When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.” No matter if the fear is small or a stronghold, God is greater than your fear and He will strengthen you as you walk through it. Jesus, thank that You know our fears and You want us free from them. Please help us bring them to You and receive the strength and courage to take that first step and You walk us through to the other side.

When I was a little girl, I used to go and stay with my aunt for a week every summer. My aunt loved birds and would feed them right outside her kitchen window so she could watch them. She even learned how to replicate some of their birdsongs. Her favorite was the cardinal. Every time I see one, I think of her. I inherited her fascination with birds so if you come and sit with me in my backyard, you'll see my birdfeeder and birdhouses. I look forward to spring when the sparrows build their nests and I will soon hear the baby birds chirping their song. This year was a little different. Instead of building their nest in the spring, they came in the summer. I thought it was a little odd but it wasn't long until I heard the babies singing. The other day I noticed the roof to the birdhouse was giving way and was only hanging on by one corner. Not good. I had visions of the last corner letting go and that precious little family plummeting to the ground. Last night we had a bad storm and I was afraid to look outside. Thankfully it was still there hanging by a thread. I went out to investigate and as I got underneath it, I didn't hear anything. I pulled the branch down and peered in. Nothing was moving so I thought maybe the little birds were big enough and flew away. I decided to take that house down and replace it with another. As I set it on the ground, I lifted off the roof and to my surprise, there were three little birds fast asleep! I was horrified because I didn't know what to do. How was I going to fix this? The key word here is “fix.” Earlier this morning I was struggling with a couple of situations happening to people I love. I was tormented with worry because I couldn't do anything to fix them. I sat there and prayed asking God for His help. He reminded me of this verse: “Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?” Matthew 6:26 NLT‬ At first I thought He was talking to me about the birds but then I realized He was talking to me personally. He was trying to help me see that there are certain situations only He can fix and therefore, worrying is pointless. He cares about my loved ones so much more than I could even imagine. He has always taken care of them and He always will. My job is to pray and leave it in His hands unless He tells me otherwise. So back to the birdhouse. At first my mind started racing frantically with “What do I do?” but then I heard that verse again about God taking care of the birds. I ended up putting super glue on the roof and hammering in the old nails the best I could. After the glue set, I carefully put it back in the tree. I checked 30 min later and it's still there with the mother bird flying in and out caring for her babies. If you have been following my journey, you know there's a moral to every story. This one is about hope. Hope that God is in control and I don't need to worry. Hope that He will fix what needs fixing in His way and His time. Hope that I can believe even when I don't understand. Hope that He will always bring about something good. And hope that He will make a way where there is no way. I know it's not easy to stop worrying but with hope, it's possible. Father, help me to remember how much you care about everything that concerns me. Bring back to my memory all the times You worked everything out. Help me to let go and lay my worries at Your feet. Thank you for loving me even when I doubt.

Dread: to fear greatly, be in extreme apprehension of; to be reluctant to experience. All of us have fallen victim to it and it plays havoc with our minds and emotions. It can attach itself to just about anything. It could be a speaking engagement, a ride on a roller coaster or saying goodbye to a loved one. The past few days I've found myself in a place of dread. A situation was going to present itself where I didn’t want to be. It meant saying goodbye to something precious and embracing something very uncomfortable and awkward and the countdown was on. Dread seems to hit me the hardest first thing in the morning. When I open my eyes, it’s as if a huge rubber band has been wrapped around my chest and my mind starts to race. This morning was no different except for one thing…I heard the words, “Be Still.” I’m no expert on the voice of God but one thing I am learning is that God’s voice can shatter the darkness and most of the time it doesn’t make sense…at least to me. So here I was laying there needing to get up and start my day so I could distract myself from the inevitable and I heard the words, “Be Still?” I got up out of bed and decided to listen to those words by grabbing the Bible for a few minutes. I opened it to Psalm 46 and my eyes fell on these words, “Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth!” No coincidence. I then looked at my Bible app on my phone, the verse of the day was. “Be still…” Later I was on Instagram. A lady I follow posted a message for the day. Guess what verse she used? I don't have to tell you. Lastly, another post caught my eye and yes, same verse. I didn't have to ask God what was going on. I needed to wait for Him to show me. This morning I woke up and the same dread tried to creep in. After breakfast I decided to take a walk. The surroundings here are beautiful and peaceful so I prayed God would show me Himself in the beauty around me. As I walked, the battle rose up within me and I found myself fighting emotions of anger, resentment and frustration. “This isn't the way it's supposed to be Lord.” I walked on. Suddenly I heard the words coming out of my mouth, “Be still and know that I am God.” I repeated them over and over. Tears came to my eyes and then I felt it…peace. I finished my walk knowing that being still requires action. It sounds contradictory, I know, but for me, it required separating myself from my situation and taking a walk. It also required me to focus on the words I'd been given whether I felt like it or not and hanging onto them until I felt a breakthrough. God is no respecter of persons. If He got through to me, He'll get through to you and when He does, hold on to whatever He gives you. It's then that dread and fear will have no stronghold and you'll know He is God. Your God.

God has a way of getting my attention. He got it yesterday. I am visiting my son and babysitting my grandkids. I took the kids outside to get some fresh air and they decided to ride their bikes and scooters. It wasn't long before the Georgia heat and humidity became oppressive and they had enough. My granddaughter went to take her bike back to the garage. She came flying out seconds later yelling, “GiGi, there's a hummingbird in the garage! Thus began a process to set the captive free. I love hummingbirds. It amazes me how something so small can move so quickly. You can blink your eyes and they're gone. Not this time. The poor little thing was so confused and frantic as he tried to find a way out. He found his way to a window and kept flying into it. He could see freedom on the other side but couldn't figure out how to get there. We were at a loss how to help him. My son came home from work and we explained what was going on. He tried his best to coax the little bird toward the open door but to no avail. It was then I decided to do what I usually do…I went to Google. Believe it or not, some guy made a YouTube video on “How To Get A Hummingbird Out Of Your Garage “ Long story short, we had to wait until the hummingbird wore himself out. We watched him literally collapse and fall onto a shelf but it was then my son was able to gently pick him up and set him free. We all cheered as he flew away. As I was reliving this memory today, it hit me big time how much I could relate on a personal level. There have been many times I have felt trapped by circumstances and emotions where I couldn't find my way out. I would frantically try anything and everything to find the open door. I could see freedom but something stood between us. It wasn't until I exhausted all my strength that I made it to the other side. I didn't walk and I didn't run…I was gently carried. God picked me up and carried me through the open door so I could spread my wings and fly. It's called surrender. It's happened more times than I can count and it's happening as I speak. I fight it every time and I think it's because I'm afraid it won't work out the way I want it to yet it's always the right way. “Lord, let me get to the end of myself sooner and put everything in Your hands. Help me to trust You from the onset and help me remember all the times You have brought me through. Thank you for all the times You have picked me up and carried me, even now, and thank you for the gift of freedom. Amen”

I'm what you'd call “a feeler.” This means I am very sensitive to my emotions and those of the people around me. It's not a bad thing but if I'm not careful, it has and will get me in trouble. For some reason drama follows me wherever I go. It used to be that I thrived in the chaos as I didn't know any other way to live. I figured it was just part of life. Now that I'm older, I've realized that it's not about what's going on around me. It's about what's going on within me. We can't always change our circumstances and it doesn't help to worry about what may happen. I need to deal with today but there are times when I need to look back to see how far I've come or more importantly, how far God's brought me. It was about 5 years ago. I remember I was sitting on my swing in the backyard. At that point I felt like my world was falling apart and I felt trapped and hopeless. On that particular day, I came across Psalm 103. I was familiar with it as we used to sing it in church but on this day, the words jumped out at me like never before: “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagles.” When I read this, the last thing I wanted to do was “bless the Lord” but I decided to say it even if I didn't feel it. I have said these verses many times since then when I've been sick, when I've been anxious and depressed and when I didn't feel I had the strength to fight the battle. It has comforted me and restored me but most of all, it has put my focus back on God and when I did, it didn't matter how I “felt.” Today, the feelings are trying to grab my attention. There are people and situations I'd like to change but I can't. There are sicknesses I wish I could heal and financial burdens I wish I could lighten so I'm going back to Psalm 103. I'm going to bless the Lord for others and I'm going to bless the Lord for myself because despite my feelings. He's still in control.