From Knowing God to Believing in God

For many years I have been involved in ministry, from teaching Sunday School, to working on the staff of a church, to now running a counseling ministry. I knew a lot about God. I knew the Bible said that He loves me and that He sent His son to die for my sins so I could have access to Him. I knew that the Bible says He will never leave me or forsake me. I knew all the verses on fear and anxiety. Cast them on Him because He cares for me and come to Him when I am burdened and He will give me rest. Fear not for I am with you. Perfect love casts out all fear. Even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I don’t need to fear. I knew them all; memorized them, quoted them and prayed about them. With all this knowledge why then did I worry about everything? Why did I get mad when I couldn’t control certain circumstances? Why did I have fears that were sometimes paralyzing? I would take my scriptures and I would pray my little heart out. Please God, take away my fear and help me, Lord, not to stress over tomorrow. Help me, Lord, not to wake up in the middle of the night in a panic because I wasn’t sure if I said the wrong thing to someone or maybe a made a mistake at work or better yet, what if I got fired? I have seen God’s hand in my life and how He stepped in and turned me around. I have seen how He was using the things the enemy meant for evil and now He was getting the glory. I saw how He saved my marriage and taught me how to love my daughter and how to love my husband even when I didn’t “feel” like it. Yep, what was I missing? I knew all the right scriptures, but I still lived in a life of negative thinking, fear and worry. It just didn’t make sense to me. I didn’t know what else I needed to do. 

I had also been in a process of learning why I was struggling. Growing up I didn’t know what it was like to be loved or to have someone in my life that thought the world of me or someone I could trust that would always be there when I needed them. I always felt alone and scared of life. So, when people would tell me to “Trust God”, I would intellectually tell myself that I need to trust God, but how? I would literally beg God to show me who He was. I wanted to really know (heart know) Him. 

One day, I had a strong feeling I should read the Old Testament with a purpose! I knew it must be God impressing this upon my heart as reading the Old Testament was a difficult task for me. I didn’t understand it and I didn’t really see its relevance in my life for today. But I felt as if I was supposed to start reading and write down every time I saw God active in the Israelites lives. I believe I may have started in Kings; I don’t really remember where I started but I was blown away by how often God was involved in everything they were doing. Sometimes, He would put thoughts in their minds, and sometimes, He would put thoughts in the minds of others about them. He would provide for them and be with them to fight battles that were impossible to fight to the human eye. He would protect them from enemies, and He would allow them the consequences for their disobedience. I just kept writing and writing to the point that I had to just start underlining because I was constantly writing!

Then I got it! I remember closing my Bible and I said, “ok Lord! In the Old Testament, the Israelites were Your children. You are God and You can choose whoever You want. But now You say that You have chosen me. I have been grafted in and You have made a way for me to be Your child. And if You are that active in the Israelites lives, then You want to be that active in mine.” It was that moment that I took what I knew in my head and decided to believe it. God is not earthly, He is God. He is perfect and His love for me is perfect. I didn’t have to ask God to help me not to worry because He told me not to worry. I didn’t have to ask God to be with me because He told me in His Word that He is with me, and He will never leave me or forsake me. I don’t have to ask God to take my burdens from me, I can just give them to Him and then I can expect He will give me rest because He said He would. I don’t have to ask God to help me not to have fear because He told me I don’t have to fear. That day my life forever changed. God is active in my life, every part of my life. He knows everything about me, and He sees every decision and path I choose. I trust Him to guide me in the way He wants to guide and lead me. I can now see God in all that I do. He is faithful even when I am not!

For years I imagined God as a person; a sinful human being who would only disappoint me, punish me and judge me. God is spirit (John 4:24). My favorite verse is Psalm 139:7-12:

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

Your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is a light to you.

I write this to encourage you on your journey. If you struggle, as I did for many years, with knowing about God, in your head, but not believing him, in your heart, tell him! He already knows and He will lead you to a place where He will reveal to you who He is. (Luke 11:10)

Handicapped

By Eileen Glotfelty • October 31, 2025
In December of 2023, I had just returned home from a trip out west. After being terrified to fly for many years, I was proud of myself for flying and navigating one of the largest airports in the world. I came home and sat down in my recliner so I could unwind and relax. After a little while, I stood up and felt pain in my left knee. It happened suddenly, out of the blue and took me on a journey I didn't want to take. Since then I have had multiple doctors visits, several rounds of physical therapy and arthroscopic procedures on both knees. This was the first time I faced mobility issues and I watched my confidence fade and fear rise up where it had never been before. I found myself looking at the ground with every step, making decisions about my social life based on how much walking I'd need to do, getting a wheelchair at the airport, and using a handicapped placard in my car. This disability controlled my life. Last week I finished my last round of physical therapy. I am thankful to say it helped me. I've been able to go grocery shopping, take short walks and stand while talking to others. Things I used to take for granted. Today I had an appointment. When I pulled into the parking lot, there were only two spots available. One was a handicapped spot right in front of the door. The other was all the way down near the end of the lot. By habit, I pulled into the handicapped spot and immediately the thought came to mind, “do I really need to park in the handicapped spot?” I found myself backing out and driving to the end of the lot. It was after my appointment when I was walking back to my car that I heard this still small voice say, “You are no longer handicapped so why do you act like you still are?” If you have ever had an epiphany moment, this was one of mine. I had gotten comfortable being handicapped. There were actually some benefits to it such as the parking and special assistance at the airport, and if I'm being honest, being able to use my handicap as an excuse to get out of doing what I didn't want to do. I felt justified in asking for help. It was ok at the time but all through this ordeal I had asked God to heal me and now that I was in a better place, I was afraid to let go. This revelation went deeper than a physical handicap. It affected me mentally and spiritually as well. I was afraid to let go because then I wouldn't have anywhere to hide but in doing so, I gave power to fear. It affected me spiritually because I doubted God really cared about me. The healing was taking too long and I was afraid I would never get my life back. If you know God, you know He doesn't always do things our way. This was a valley moment for me. It's been a place of searching and questioning if I believed He was good and His Word was true. I found myself telling Him, “God, I've done everything I know to do.” That was the problem. I've lived my life thinking nothing good happens unless I earn it. I couldn't have been farther from the truth. I have to tell you that as I walked back and forth to my car, there was a sense of freedom. It felt good. Now, hopefully, I can look at my life through a different lens. I have to be realistic because of my age. There are some things I can't do now, like climbing ladders, but it's not because I'm handicapped, it's just life and I'm learning to be ok with that.

Untangled

By Eileen Glotfelty • October 7, 2025
What do these things have in common: a dog's leash, Christmas lights, yarn, and neck chains …they all get tangled! If you've ever tried to untangle any of the above, you know how frustrating it can be…especially for a control freak. The neck chains are the worst. I can remember pulling one out of my jewelry box only to find a twisted tangled mess. I used to get a safety pin and painstakingly pull on each loop. I couldn't put it down until I had it untangled. OCD? Maybe. Life gets tangled in much the same way. For me, it happens in relationships, especially with loved ones. Maybe it's because the standards are higher and expectations are not met; or it's because we make ourselves vulnerable to those we love and our hearts feel the pain more deeply. Whatever the reason, things get tangled and become complicated. I have found myself in that place several times in my life. I don't like it when someone is upset with me so I try hard to make things right. It's not a matter of who's right or wrong. It's about the fact that in their eyes, I've offended them and whether it was intentional or not, they were hurt. Sometimes an apology isn't enough. Trust has been broken and it takes time to build it back up again. So what do you do when you've done everything you can to reconcile and the rejection is still there? You take a step back. You wait and you pray. You'll need to fight against the anger and resentment. Keep your heart in the right place. For me, it's a place of love and forgiveness and hope. Depending on the circumstances and the depth of the relationship, it could take awhile. I'm in a waiting period and I'm not going to kid myself. It may not happen in my lifetime but I do know this, I can wait with hope and peace and I can pray for them. Does it still hurt? Yes. There are days I grieve the loss of them but then I am gently reminded to let them go and trust the One who loves them more than I ever could. I read this verse today which may have have prompted my thoughts: John 13:34 NIV: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. If anyone knew how to love others through rejection, it was Jesus. He loved, He suffered, He forgave and He waits. He waited for me, He waits for you.

Hello and Goodbye

By Eileen Glotfelty • September 24, 2025
Mountains and valleys. Hellos and goodbyes. For me they're one and the same. I woke up this morning with a sense of dread because I knew I would be saying goodbye once again. Thankfully , I didn't get stuck there. My daughter and her family left today after coming up for a visit. They weren't here the whole time as they had places to go and people to see but it was nice having them near. I've come to realize that when someone is leaving me, I need to prepare myself emotionally ahead of time. I tend to focus on the negative aspect of things at times and saying goodbye is one of them. There was a time when saying goodbye would send me in a downward spiral. Not today and hopefully not ever again. After my family left, I went out to my happy place…my backyard swing, and as I was thinking about my family, this thought popped into my head. “Every time I've said goodbye, it was because, at some point, I said hello.” I latched onto that thought and realized goodbyes are only temporary. It may be awhile before I can say hello, but that day will come and it gave me hope. Until the next hello, I will think of the sweet memories we made while they were here…playing Old Maid and Uno; teaching the girls how to twirl a baton, laughing and singing and just the sheer joy of being with them. I know some goodbyes seem more permanent and I'm not making light of them. I've lost many loved ones and the separation seemed unbearable. There were days the grief was so strong, I didn't know how I was going to make it. But even in death, goodbye is only temporary. I say that because I know I'll see them again. I know because God said so. I started writing this because of saying goodbye to my family. I didn't expect it to take this turn but I'm thinking there's someone who's going to read this who is struggling with their own goodbyes. I want you to know you will be ok. God cares about our goodbyes and He will give you hope. I know because He did it for me. So take heart my friend. Hold onto Him. He'll bring you through. Goodbye is just a gateway to a new hello.