It Wasn't Supposed To Be This Way

My dream was pretty typical…grow up, marry the love of my life, have a bunch of kids and live happily ever after in our cute two story home with the white picket fence. Throw in a nice little dog for good measure.

Part of the dream did come true. I married Rob, the love of my life, had four beautiful kids, lived in a two story home minus the white picket fence and add the little dog and two big dogs. Sounds like a good life until that day…

In 2001 my husband developed what we thought was a bad cold with bronchitis. He was susceptible to upper respiratory infections and got them once a year like clockwork. This particular year, we didn't think anything out of the ordinary until it refused to go away. Our primary doctor was out of the country for a while so my husband saw her assistant. After several visits with no end in sight, she referred us to a pulmonary specialist. It was when he did a routine endoscopy that we were blindsided by the word no one wants to hear…cancer.

I still remember that exact moment the doctor gave us the news. Time stood still as my husband and I held onto each other and cried. Our four children sat out in the waiting room oblivious to the fact that their lives had changed forever.

Driving home from the hospital that day. I remember talking to God and saying, "I just want to know how this is going to work out Lord. Will he live or will he die? I just want to know." I was under the impression that if I knew what was coming, I'd be able to handle it better.

Over the next three years we prayed, quoted Scriptures on healing and refused to entertain any comments to the contrary. When my husband was in his last days, the doctors tried to prepare me for the inevitable but I refused to give up. Surely God was going to intervene. I had worship music playing in his room around the clock and even went so far as to throw a nurse out of his room for speaking negatively about my husband's condition. A few days later, I found myself a widow and a single mother wondering how we would survive.

It's been over 20 years now. It's been a long, hard road in many ways. There have been ups and downs, successes and failures. When I look back at the journey, I'm amazed at how I made it through.

For the first ten years, I could barely pray. I questioned myself and I questioned God. Was my faith not strong enough? Where did I go wrong? I was supposed to be a woman of faith. I felt like I was the victim of a cruel joke and its name was "disappointment." I was disappointed in myself, in others and especially God. It wasn't supposed to be this way.

I remember taking a walk on a country road one summer's day and once again asking God how I got it all wrong. I heard Him say to me ever so gently, "Faith is still believing even when it doesn't go your way." Those words penetrated my soul. You see, I had felt like a fool for believing in Him. I would think about all the people who would sadly look at me while I stood my ground believing for Rob's healing.
It wasn't supposed to be this way.

Disappointment is a forerunner to despair. It needs to be recognized and dealt with before you fall into its trap. The other area it loves to take us is self-pity…I know it well. Neither one is a place where we belong.

One of the ways to defeat disappointment is to face it. As I mentioned earlier, I had a hard time after Rob passed away because I felt like a fool denying the fact that he was dying. I hoped all those doctors and nurses would forget I existed, but God in His mercy had a different plan.

It was several years after Rob's death and I was talking to a lady in my church. She was a nurse practitioner who was connected with our local hospital. As we were talking, she mentioned that she met one of the nurses who had been in the ICU when Rob was there. In fact, she was the very nurse I told to leave his room. The nurse practitioner went on to tell me that this nurse had never forgotten me…I started to cringe but what she said next almost brought me to my knees. She told me that the nurse said she had never seen such faith and it made her go and search for her own. I was humbled and amazed.

Life is full of disappointments for each one of us but I'm beginning to see that good can come out of them. The circumstances may not change but I want to believe that God sees what we don't. It may not be the way I thought it was supposed to be but it may be His. As I heard on that country road, "Faith is about believing even when it doesn't go your way."

It's Not The End

By Eileen Glotfelty • May 23, 2026
Are you one of those people who like to read the end of the story before finishing the book? This morning I've been sitting here feeling overwhelmed by life. There are things that are out of my control and a lot of uncertainty. For someone who likes to have a plan, it's my worst nightmare. God's word says that He finishes what He starts and He will complete the good work in me (Philippians 1:6 NIV). I struggle with that when I can't see the finish line. God's word also says He's the Alpha and the Omega which means He is the beginning and the end (Rev 22:13 NIV). To me, that means that He sees it all. He knew where I would be on any given day. He knew my circumstances before I did, but unlike me, He's not worrying and overcome with anxiety because He sees the end. So, once again, I have a choice to make. I can sit here overwhelmed because I can't see the way out, or, I can trust the One who can. Will I choose hope or despair? This leads me to faith which is choosing to believe even though we can't see the outcome. I had to ask myself where I was putting my faith. Hope and faith work together. No amount of striving can earn them. Each one of us has access to them. All we have to do is ask the One who freely gives. Jesus, I know you've written my story and You know how it ends. Everything in this life is temporary. Even though I can't see the end, help me to rest in the fact that You do and I can trust You with my life.

The Lost Sheep

By Eileen Glotfelty • May 11, 2026
A few weeks ago I shared about my estranged child. Mother's Day came and went without a word. I spent the day wondering/hoping I would hear something. I didn't expect a phone call but maybe a text. I told myself not to have any expectations, but I still did. I was almost angry at myself for thinking maybe this year would be different. This morning I sat here talking to the Lord. He wants me to be honest with Him so I didn't try to hide the sorrow and the rejection. I told Him I was hurt and I had to forgive my child once again. He reminded me that I had three other children who hadn't forgotten me and made me feel loved and honored, so why was the rejection of one so painful? It was then I remembered the story of the lost sheep. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, it's about a shepherd who has a flock of a hundred sheep. One of them goes astray and the shepherd leaves the ninety-nine to go find it. It was a gentle reminder that He will never give up on my child and He loves Him more than I could imagine. In the same way, God will never give up on any of us. No matter how much we run or push Him away, He will never leave us. I needed that encouragement, maybe you do too.

The Prodigal

By Eileen Glotfelty • April 19, 2026
For those of you who have a prodigal child, you're not alone. What I mean by prodigal is a child who has turned their back on you and put up walls of defense. It came as a surprise, a shock actually. I should've seen it coming but after years of butting heads, I truly thought we were in a better place. The revelation came in a letter where thoughts and feelings were shared. I felt my spirit being crushed as I read it and my heart broke. I know I wasn't the perfect mother. I had struggles and behaviors that had followed me since childhood. I had resolved never to treat my children the way I was treated, but how many of us know that sadly it still happens, but in a different way. When you have a prodigal, it's not about forgiveness and reconciliation, it's about the pain they feel we've inflicted and they can't let go of it. I keep hoping that some day, things will change but there's no guarantee as it takes two surrendered hearts that are open to be healed. It's been four years now since I received that letter. I have grieved in a way I never have before and there were times I didn't think I would make it through. It's a different kind of grief because you know it can change but it's out of your control. It's been a process and I've experienced rejection, abandonment, guilt and shame but it brought me to a place where I knew it was going to keep me in a prison of pain if I didn't surrender it to God so He could heal my heart. The Bible has a story about a prodigal son. Even though the son went his own way and abandoned his father, his father never gave up hope. When the son had an “aha” moment and realized how foolish he had been, he humbled himself and returned home. This is my favorite of the story: “So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. Luke 15:20 NIV” This is how God greets everyone who returns to Him, no matter what they've done. I pray I would react the same way with my son. If you have a prodigal, my heart goes out to you, but just know that God sees you and your child. He is working behind the scenes as He is a God of redemption and reconciliation. He will heal your broken heart and give you the strength to hold on.