Last night I happened to look at my Facebook page before going to bed.  I saw a post from a friend that made my heart ache.  Her beloved husband passed away suddenly at 40 years old leaving her and their nine year old daughter behind.  They are numb with grief and shock.  Grief is no respecter of persons.  It comes like a thief in the night. Twenty-two years ago I was in that place. 

People meant well but I found the ones who truly brought comfort were the ones who had been where I was.  They were the ones that knew what to say and sometimes they didn’t have to say anything at all.  They were just there.

Grief affects everyone but each of us will process it in our own way.  First comes the shock and then you go numb.  After that a myriad of emotions will surface such as sadness, loneliness, anger and depression.  You can stuff everything inside, but the best thing to do is feel the emotions.  Recognize them for what they are.  They are not a sign of weakness.  They are necessary for healing. 

The news of my friend’s husband brought back a flood of memories of how I immediately kicked into survival mode. I remember telling my children that we were not going to be mad at God.  That was denial in its greatest form.  Little did I know it was exactly what we needed to do.  It was bound to happen and it didn’t help to deny it. 

Many years went by before I realized how angry I really was.  I was angry at the doctors, myself, and my husband, but I was mostly angry at God because, after all, couldn’t He have prevented it?  I was good at telling people how powerful He was and I believed He could do anything ...so why didn’t He? 

I wrestled with this for a long time.  For the first ten years, I couldn’t even pray. My faith was so shaken. My children were crushed.  I was crushed.  All I could do was go through the motions pretending I still believed. People would come to me and ask me to pray for them and I felt like a hypocrite. 

As I said before, each one of us processes differently.  My children were grieving and I didn’t know what to do.  Laura was 10 when Rob died.  She was her Daddy’s little girl and suddenly there was a void I couldn’t fill.  Laura and I would get helium balloons and write messages to Daddy on them and then go outside and send them to heaven. We'd watch until they disappeared above the clouds. One of my other children shut down emotionally. He cried the day his father died and never again.  Every fiber of our faith was tested and some of us walked away from God for a long time. Some are still trying to figure it out to this day and I can’t help but wonder if they will ever reconcile with their grief.

Recently someone reminded me of this verse, “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” Isaiah 53:3 

It's talking about Jesus. I never gave much thought to His human side. He has emotions just like us. He grieves, just like us. He knows what it's like to be sad and suffer pain. Somehow, this brings me comfort. It reminded me that everything we go through, He did too. He understands our pain and our grief because He's been there. He didn't have to but He did it for me and for you. I don't know anyone who would do that, let alone God. He did it out of love. 

If anything I said resonates with you, I encourage you to grieve. Talk with someone, write out your thoughts. Feel the emotions and then lay it all at the feet of Jesus because He understands. 

If you need support, there's an organization called Grief Share. They will come alongside you. It doesn't matter how long it's been. Grief has no timeline.  You'll never get over your grief but you will get through it.

Reset

By Eileen Glotfelty • August 15, 2025
Recently I returned home after being away for a few months. It felt strange to walk into my own home. I wasn't accustomed to what should've been normal. That soon changed. The next morning I was at the kitchen sink and went to turn on the garbage disposal only to find it not working. Usually if it's jammed, you can still hear the sound of electricity but there was not a sound to be heard. My first stop was the circuit breaker box. Nothing was tripped so I moved on. As I stood in front of the sink, I knew what needed to happen next. That involved me kneeling down on the floor and looking for the brand and model number. I thought long and hard because after two knee surgeries, this was not a good idea. I did the next best thing…I called my sister for help. I wish we had a video camera, then again it was probably better that we didn't. She has a bad knee but that left her with one good one. She made it down onto the floor and got a picture of the label. We googled the unit to troubleshoot the problem. It turned out we needed to find the reset button on the bottom of the disposal. Easier said than done but we did it and power was restored. It needed a special wrench to unjam it but Amazon saved the day! Now why would I go on and on about a jammed garbage disposal? It's not about the fact it was jammed but that it could be reset. After that incident I was talking to my daughter and I heard myself say that I needed to push the reset button in some areas of my life. I wish it would be as simple as pushing the button on a garbage disposal but when you need a reset in life, it usually involves a long process. The areas I need to reset didn't get jammed up overnight. It took years of making excuses and wrong choices. The result of these choices found me powerless and stuck in a place I didn't want to be. As I thought about this, I looked up “reset” in the dictionary. One definition caught my eye. It said, “an act of fixing something in a new or different way.” That's what I need…a new way, a transformation. I don't know what the reset is going to look like or where it will take me but I do know that God made a promise. In Isaiah he says: “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. I know it has to be His way, not mine. That's where the power is. That's where I can move forward. With His power, nothing is impossible. I've wrestled with Him for many years and it was a waste of time. It will be a daily surrender to His will. I'm not going to dwell on the wasted time and say, “if only.” Instead I'm choosing to dwell on and be thankful that His mercies are new every morning. That is my reset button.

In the Midst of Chaos

By Eileen Glotfelty • July 30, 2025
“His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet.” Nahum 1:3 Another word for whirlwind is chaos. That's a word I know well. From the moment I was born, I lived in a chaotic environment. Chaos continued to follow me as I grew up and finally into my own family. The funny thing is, I never recognized it. I thought it was normal and I learned to thrive in it. Left unchecked, chaos will take its toll. It attacks our nervous systems and spreads havoc physically and mentally. So how do we stop it? First, we stop and do a life check. This is when we take a long hard look at what's going on in and around us. Much of our chaos is caused by our response to our circumstances. For example, when I get caught up in someone else's drama, I create chaos in my own life. It's especially hard if the drama is going on under the same roof. I've had to learn that people will figure things out on their own and don't need me to be involved. As a fixer and a rescuer, that was an important lesson to learn. When it comes to faith, I've realized that when I jump into the chaos and try to fix it, I'm thinking that my way out is the only way and pridefully, the best way…even better than God's. The arrogance of it brings me to my knees. So now, I look at that verse from Nahum and I ask God to show me His way. If it's chaos that's out of our control, God's way is the only way out. I always wondered what it meant about the clouds being the dust of His feet. As I thought about it, I could see that clouds don't stand still. They move. The dust of His feet imply movement as well; so I think it's safe to say that God is on the move in the midst of the chaos. As I write this, I am over my head in chaos. It feels like a never ending battle. After reading that verse, I decided to take some time and see if there was any “dust.” It didn't take long to see it. God was moving through this storm. It wasn't the direction I would've gone so I almost missed Him. I don't know exactly what He's doing or where this is going but just knowing He's moving gives me the strength to hang on. Lord, when I get overwhelmed with the chaos, help me to see that You are on the move. In Jesus’ name. Amen

Even Though You Can't See Me

By Eileen Glotfelty • June 25, 2025
Over the past four weeks, I have traveled from California to Wyoming to Colorado. All had something special to see. California had hot air balloons floating over the vineyards. In Wyoming there were tumbleweeds, miles of prairie and horses being ridden through downtown streets. Both were fascinating but the scene that captured me most was in Colorado. My family's home overlooks a plain that runs over to join the Rocky Mountains. As beautiful as that is, nothing can compare with one specific mountain that rises taller than the others. Pikes Peak stands 14,000 feet above sea level and its presence commands a sense of majesty. Every morning as I stood there taking in its beauty, I would remember the words, “I lift my eyes up to the hills where my help comes from…” For me, it wasn't just a mountain, it was a revelation of the presence of God and I needed that reminder. There have been many times that I've prayed and prayed about a person or situation that weighed heavy on my heart. Most of the time it involved circumstances that were beyond my control. I knew what I thought needed to happen and happen quickly but it didn't. It seemed like my prayers fell on deaf ears. On my last day in Colorado, I went to look out the window to have one final look at that majestic mountain. To my dismay, the mountains were covered by a dense fog that made them invisible. If I didn't know better, I wouldn't know they were there. As I stood there wrestling with disappointment, I heard these words, “even though you can't see it, it's still there.” I knew this wasn't just talking about the mountain. God was letting me know that even if things aren't working out the way I want and I don't understand, He is still there behind the chaos and behind the doubt working to bring about His perfect plan…in His time, not mine. Now it's a matter of trust. Will I choose to let go and leave it in His hands? Will I choose to trust Him when I don't understand? And will I choose to believe that He has a good and perfect plan that surpasses anything I could imagine? This is a question I may have to ask myself every day in every situation. In my heart I want to so I'm choosing to lay the struggles at His feet. He'll take care of the rest.